I am spending my child support on dildos
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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