She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
