can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
