She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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