GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
