Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
