he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
