It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
