Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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