Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
