Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
