woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
