Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
