I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
