I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
