Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
