Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
