She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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