Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Screwed.edu
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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