I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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