I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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