i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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