i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
