Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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