That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
