I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
