Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
