Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
