She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
