i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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