you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
