Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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