I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
