The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
