a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
