i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
