Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
