Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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