I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
