I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
