You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
