what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize