dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
