party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The adults are the big ones right?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
