Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You pole danced in your parka.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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