so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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