is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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