I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
