I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
