my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
