My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
