his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
