I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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