OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
