why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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