btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
