At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I looked at my own cervix.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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