drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
