Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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