Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
