the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
