my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
