No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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