Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
