Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
