you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
