i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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