Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
