i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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